*This is an article submitted to Segfault, which has since ceased to exist.
Reprinted here for your (dis)pleasure. Understanding this would require some
background knowledge of Microsoft and their history of corporate security. I
will insert this background later, but for now, I'm simply too lazy. Enjoy!*

Microsoft Announces Surprise Cooperation Agreement
   By Eugene and Steve

In a surprise press conference made this Friday evening <a href=
"http://www.microsoft.com">Microsoft</a> CEO Steve Balmber announced that 
Microsoft will release the source code for the upcoming Windows operating 
system dubbed Whistler.

"We have already begun work on the project, and have for the past three months
collaborated with a small company of enterprising young programmers from Russia
," said Balmer in an impromptu press conference.  Balmer appeared visibly 
shaken throughout the press conference, and several times made references to 
how "skillful the Russian programmers were", and how Microsoft "didn't want to
do anything to threaten their relationship with them." "We at Microsoft are
confident that by allowing peer review of the already best-selling Windows
operating system and Office suite we will be able to offer our customers a more
polished product," continued Balmer. "By allowing the Open Source community
[or "hackers"] access to the Windows source code, we will be able to ensure
that the operating system ships with even better security than that which you
have already come to expect from Microsoft."

In what is perhaps policy-changing move, Microsoft has worked with the Russian
programmers to remove bugs and fix security problems before releasing the code
for scrutiny to the Open Source community. It is yet unknown whether this
change in policy will include release of source code for previous versions of
Microsoft products, or whether this will have any bearing on the Justice
Department decision to split Microsoft into two separate companies. Attorney
General Janet Reno could not be reached for comment.