Zenmaster G
Zen-master G: "feel no remorse, no sense of shame"
Student: Hello?
Zen-master G: "time's gonna wash away all pain"
Student: Are you listening?
Zen-master G: I listen, but I hear nought said.
Student: Umm, yes. Anyway, I'm trying to fix my Linux installation...
Zen-master G: You play with powers beyond your comprehention.
Student: Just fix it, ok?
Zen-master G: Such is my burden in life.
(*5 minutes pass*)
Zen-master G: Might I suggest that the root of your problem may be a clicking noise coming from your hard drive?
Student: Oh, no. Mike said it was just the drive platters re-aligning. Now stop
waisting time and fix my computer.
Zen-master G: The great Sage told you such a thing? Very well...
(*15 minutes and one kernel panic later*)
Zen-master G: I have done all I can do for you. Seek me again when the great Sage blesses you with a new hard disk.
(*later at the temple*)
Zen-master G: The foolish ones inform me of the curious behavior of their drive.
Sage: I know not of which you speak.
Zen-master G: The clicking of the great beast disturbs me.
Sage: It clicks?
Zen-master G: YOU MEAN THEY MADE ALL...
You are implying they never spoke to you? They made it up? Curious...
(*two days later*)
Student: Hello, is anyone here? Hello?
Student: If you're here, why didn't you respond?
Zen-master G: I was unconvinced of my own existence.
Student: Look, Mike gave me a new drive.
Zen-master G: It is not for me to question the Sage's choices, but such a talisman is indeed dangerous in unwise hands.
Student: You said you'd re-install Linux on my machine once I got a new drive. What are you waiting for?
Zen-master G: Knowledge can be imparted, wisdom can not.
(*15 minutes later*)
Zen-master G: Pray tell, did you attempt to fix this yourself?
Student: Yeah, my friend and I installed Linux on this yesterday, but now it does not boot.
Zen-master G: I shall meditate on the problem...
(*5 minutes later*)
Zen-master G: As every river flows from a spring, so does each operating system from a kernel. I wonder, have you seen the /boot device?
Student: Umm, about that: there were some extra files taking up a lot of space, so I deleted them.
Zen-master G: Was one named 'vmlinuz' among your victims?
Student: It was not doing anything important.
Zen-master G: One does not miss the air until it is gone.
Student: Huh?
Zen-master G: You are clearly knowledgeable beyond your years. You require special instruction.
(*the master reaches under his robe*)
Student: Gee, thanks. I told you I knew what I was doing but you just AAAAAAAAGH!
(*THWACK*)
Zen-master G: The Bat of Wisdom has helped many; you will have no problems in the future.